Monday, July 20, 2009

Shooting at varmints and swimmin' wit da fishes

This police blotter report in a recent issue of my small town's news rag contained a synergistic coupling of ironic and brain tickling hilarity. For your reading (and life lesson learning) pleasure, I present for you my take on the 4th of July police doin's in my small town...


First off, had I written the headline for the first entry, it would have read, "Bike thief, green with envy for yellow bike." Badu-bump.

Next, under lessons learned, I suggest not shooting a firearm in the city limits to scare off would be pickup thieves, until you've cleaned up your doobage and sprayed a good dose of Airwick inside your home.

Finally, apparently in my small town, discharging a firearm in the city limits to kill a couple of destructive squirrels won't get your arrested...but improperly disposing of fish will land you a court date.

5 comments:

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

They take disposing of fish seriously in your neck of the woods!

AMomof2 said...

What in the world is unlawful disposal of fish. I'm really tempted to contact our local police dept. and check on that one. Is it okay to flush them? How about microwave them and put them in the trash? (This one is my husbands favorite. He says it only takes a few seconds and is very humane. I'm not so sure!) When do the girls want to come over?

rwarn17588 said...

Hey! You still alive? Haven't heard from you in a while.

sarahesimpson said...

Yup, I miss you too :)

Gracie said...

I am missing some small town moments!