I am not dead, I only play dead

The local race for our District Judge is heating up as rumors are flying, accusations are being slung, and election placards are starting to dot the landscape of our fair city.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, this letter appeared in our local paper...



It's good to know that our hanging judge won't be using the bench for anything other than passing judgement and handing down sentences anytime soon.

A similar letter appeared in the paper a few weeks before the last mayoral race. The mayoral challenger was on full-time oxygen (carts around his tank that feeds him fresh o2 directly to his nostrils) and felt the need to address concerns about his health to the voting public.

While on the one hand, I'm glad that the senior members of our town, regardless of existing health conditions, are still interested in actively participating it the public service arena.

On the other hand, what's next?

Letters from their shrink attesting to their sanity?

eMails from local authorities stating how clean their criminal records currently stand?

Memos from their pastor/priest/minister saying what a good Christian/Buddhist/Muslim/etc. they are?

Handwritten notes from the desk of their relatives, friends, neighbors, partners proclaiming that the rumors of their cow tipping fetish has been grossly exaggerated in the press?