Shooting at varmints and swimmin' wit da fishes

This police blotter report in a recent issue of my small town's news rag contained a synergistic coupling of ironic and brain tickling hilarity. For your reading (and life lesson learning) pleasure, I present for you my take on the 4th of July police doin's in my small town...


First off, had I written the headline for the first entry, it would have read, "Bike thief, green with envy for yellow bike." Badu-bump.

Next, under lessons learned, I suggest not shooting a firearm in the city limits to scare off would be pickup thieves, until you've cleaned up your doobage and sprayed a good dose of Airwick inside your home.

Finally, apparently in my small town, discharging a firearm in the city limits to kill a couple of destructive squirrels won't get your arrested...but improperly disposing of fish will land you a court date.

A wheeless wagon

While it was at first a little strange to see these "dubs" from the past used as yard and garden decor in my small town, much like fried okra, Dr. Pepper and Ford 150's as the family vehicle of choice out here, I've grown accustomed to their presence.



They must be considered by some to be a highly valued asset to a domiciles exterior ambiance -- valuable enough to be stolen in fact...



Who knows, perhaps some day my Chevy Ralley wheels and Crager SS rims will adorn (litter) the yard of some future dwelling and be labeled as "vintage" and "retro" by it's owners.