Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Sniffy, part 1

The 4-lane highway that runs through my small town is a relatively major traffic corridor in this part of Oklahoma.

As such, our local newspaper police blotter regularly carries a blot or two about traffic stops gone bad (for the driver), many of which are thwarted by the drug sniffing dog that our Sheriff acquired sometime last year.

I'm not sure of the parameters that are used for a cop to call in for the drug dog (we'll call him Sniffy), but I can imagine there exists somewhere, in some file, a professionally prepared profile of what a druggie user, maker, transporter, or dealer in this part of the state would/should/could look like.

And if you, your car, your passenger, or your load falls within any of those parameters, then Sniffy may get a page.

Like many communities around the globe, the resulting carnage of impounded cars, trucks, boats, and other modes of transportation that have piled up from drug confiscations have manifested into "Seized Vehicle Auction" ads being placed in every newspaper, signpost and telephone pole within this panhandled states odd borders.

My right brain says, "Hooray, cheap cars for sale, may get a good deal!"
My left brain say "Bad karma, getting a car that was used for illegal purposes."
My inner female self says (shut up guys, we all have it..if we're lucky), "Umm, what's wrong with this scenario..."

Here's the scenario in question.

Say Sniffy gets a whiff of an illegal substance in a car during a routine traffic stop. The driver goes away, the ganga is seized, the car is impounded and sold at auction to a young couple expecting their first child at the end of the year.

Fast forward a month later.

The young father-to-be gets so involved with his sculpting project that today's lamaze class completely slips his mind, until 15 minutes before it's set to begin. He jumps into the car without removing his dust covered coveralls or washing up and is caught speeding by a constable in the next town over.

The dedicated Officer raises an eyebrow at the young driver's dusty appearance, harried look and long hair, gets a funny feeling and calls in Sniffy.

Now, unless someone along the way (law enforcement motor pool, impound lot goons, auction lot workers or the buyer themselves) cleaned out the car of any or all traces of the illegal substance that got the car impounded in the first place, old Sniffy is going to find something that "sends him a barkin'".

Perhaps I'm being paranoid here and with the initial removal of the illegal substance by law enforcement, time and the elements will take care of any trace evidence left over.

Perhaps not.

Here's my proposal for a new business, that feeds on the paranoid fear of the scenario I just outlined. Anyone who wants to take the idea and run with it, owes me free access to the service for myself and my family, for life.

You've heard of the Carfax service, where you can trace the history of your car using the VIN?

I bring you, DrugCarfax.Just bought a car at auction, on the internet, or from a shady character with bad teeth, a mullet, and a crooked walk, and want to be sure you won't be the victim of the previous owners "habits?"

DrugCarfax is the answer.

For a nominal fee, you can drive your car to one of our convenient service centers and get it sniffed by a certified drug sniffing dog. Once our factory trained veteran drug dogs walk away from your car and gives it the "paws up" sign, you'll get a genuine computer printout stating that your car has been DrugCarfaxed and is drug free and on the wagon.

Don't run the risk of having your "new" used car being impounded by one of those civil servant drug sniffing dogs on a routine traffic stop. Use DrugCarfax and get the insurance you need to protect your car, your self, and your family.

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