Monday, May 22, 2006

The Man - taking names and kickin' some tail

Fire up iTunes and play your favorite summertime songs while you read this article.My iTunes summer list includes the following:
Summertime Blues - Brian Setzer
Summertime - Fresh Prince / DJ Jazzy Jeff
All Summer Long - Beach Boys
Summer (Summertime is here) - War
Summer Lovin' - Grease Soundtrack
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts

Yep, even out here we got the cars that go boom, the kick-the-can mufflers on rice rockets, diesel pickup trucks with 4" open exhaust pipes, and skater dater teenagers hanging out in front of the Catholic Church until midnight on a weekend.

A few violations I would add to the list in the article:
  • Maximum visits to the all-you-can-stuff-in-your-already-bursting-OU-teeshirt-Chinese-Super-buffet will be limited to 42 trips, after which, you will be cited for public nuisance.

  • Lane changes without signalling or warning of any kind by an elderly person in a Lincoln Towne Car or similiar tank-like vehicles shall be limited to 22 within a 2-block distance.

  • Any cowboy hat wearing individual that is found to have more than 18 packets of Skoal, Copenhagen, or any form of smokeless tobacco wedged between their gums will be taken into custody and questioned. Their spit cup will be confiscated, after the suspect is forced to drink down it's contents.

  • Any homeowner caught outside their home before 5 a.m. working on their yard or firing up their mowers/edgers/trimmers/hole diggers/rototillers or any other garden appliance will be subject to both public envy and ridicule from their neighbors. See also under "Tailpipe exhaust noise ordinance for single-stroke hand-held devices."


    Gary said...

    Added point #3 was a little over-the-top... Especially after watching Sandlot last night, with the youngsters biting off a hunk of Indian plug chewing tobacco, and then climbing aboard a fast moving circular type carnival ride, resulting in the mother-of-all vomit-fests.

    whoa is me...

    OKDad said...

    Great movie moment. I remember it well.

    My cousin did a stint in Micronesia (Yap) with the Peace Corp awhile back and came back home addicted to beetle nuts with coral lime powder, which the locals suck on/chew for a quick buzz.

    The "spit" they expell resulting from the suckage is red in color and from what my cousin tells me, is all over the walkways and sidewalks of the island.

    Different strokes I guess.

    Gary said...

    BTW, I now have you listed as one of my friends and neighborss on my humble blog...


    Jessica said...

    Cool list!